Being a beginner is something I always used to dread worse than getting a really shitty haircut. Being at the bottom of the pack, being the one with the least know-how, having to jump over the learning curve and being frustrated at looking stupid or asking the same questions a million times or failing—over and over again. It’s an uncomfortable feeling; thus I (and the majority of the human race, being the magical and capable creatures that we are) had a tendency to avoid it at all costs. Cute.
Ego (by definition: the false self constructed by the mind) is a key player in our avoidance of what is unfamiliar and new. Being a beginner is essentially stepping into foreign territory, to which the ego responds by attempting to protect us from the possibility of being in a vulnerable place. In extreme cases, the fight-or-flight response is even activated if the brain senses a threat—real or otherwise. While the ego has our best interest at heart by trying to save us from these threats, it can end up preventing a lot of potentially amazing experiences from occurring, if given too much control.
I recently ended a long stretch of career, and went from knowing exactly how my weeks/days/hours would pan out, to having to plan out every hour in order to get an online business off the ground—and my success is completely dependent on how well the steps I take are working out. I’ve never run an online business before. I’ve never made a website, gained clientele, or tried to send a mass email (since the email chain days of the early 2000’s, where your mom’s life depended on it). All this to say, I’m still figuring it out! My ego was not stoked about it. In fact, it almost shut me down more than a few times. But the process of being so belligerently brand new and trust-falling into the universe has taught me so much about how to politely ask my ego to take several seats and just let me do my thaaaang.
Here’s the thing about being a beginner, though.
You’re already a fucking expert at it.
Yep.
Think about this for a second. When was the last time you were a beginner at something? Not on a mass scale, but just in everyday life. If you’re not lying to yourself, it would have been veryyyy recently. Have you ever gone to a new school? Chosen to further your education? Had a child? Started a new relationship? Picked up a promotion? Joined a gym? We are beginners all the time, throughout our whole lives. We have been beginning since we began. We haven’t ruled out the possibility of reincarnation, either, so you might have been beginning entire new lives out there with the cavemen thousands of years ago. I realize it’s a little out there, but doesn’t it put things in perspective? When there is a situation/opportunity to start something new, it feels terrifying, and you forget that you’ve ever tried something new in your life.
News flash!
Everything you’ve ever been good at is a result of beginning. You don’t come out of the womb an expert at anything. It’s just a little difficult to see things from this angle when you have your ego throwing a fit in your frontal lobe. But remember—the ego is there to protect your sense of “self.” It’s the guard dog of pride and vulnerability. I read a quote once that said something along the lines of “if you’re in a car with your fears/anxiety/doubts (AKA ego), acknowledge that they are there, and are welcome to sit in the passenger seat, but make it clear that you will be doing the driving.” In other words, appreciate the fact that you are protected, acknowledge and validate your feelings, but make it clear that your actions will not be dictated from an overpowered ego. And go start something new.
Love + light,
Anna